Treasures in Jars of Clay

I absolutely love reading other peoples blogs. Especially artists. Authors, musicians, all of them! They're so deep and profound. I wish I could be like them. For all of the bad role models I tend to grab ahold of, there are also the good.

Today I visited my new "home" church I suppose you could call it. I've avoided it since December due to a painful experience or two but going back made me realize how much the wounds are inside myself. In person the wounds are easy to bear with. Its when I'm alone and reflecting when I struggle the most with them. Going back to that church made me remember why I love it so much. I love the intimacy there. I love the sermons, the faith of the people, maybe just everything.
and I even learned something today! Oh, how community pours into you when you're so thirsty for Jesus.

But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus' sake, so that his life may be revealed in our mortal body. So then, death is at work in us, but life is at work in you. -2 Cor 4:7-12

Praise God, the one who knows me better than myself, that though we are struck down continuously by things of this world, the things that cause us pain, and though we are torn to pieces and given heartbreaks and unspeakable wounds, the life and hope of Jesus shines through our bodies. We are struck down, but we are never destroyed. We carry around the death of Christ in our bodies, but the LIFE of Christ is shown so much more in our lives. God is doing a great work in and through us. We are in God's hands. Whether we are completely sure about trusting him or not, God is still working for our good. Believe God. He's worth trusting.

Arrrgh, so besides all that: I'm tired of people painting this distorted image of God. Im tired of learning the history of the Church and the Bible, and then having to piece it together. I'm tired of hearing people try to explain prayer, spiritual gifts, the holy spirit, personal revelation, and scripture to me. God is bigger. God is stronger. God is more beautiful than people try to describe him as. God is very personal, practical, and willing to intervene in our lives. God cares about the details of our lives, yes, even the smallest things. God cares about our hearts. God doesn't want us to experience pain or suffering, I dont even think pain or suffering comes from God in any way or form. God is a GOOD God. God can take anything and turn it into good. God doesn't waste anything, not even time. But the bad things we do to one another are not and cannot be from God. I miss the simplicity of following God. I miss loving God and being filled with passion and love for the simple things like nature and music. I miss the simplicity of worship, before somebody tried to tell me that I wasn't "getting" it. I miss knowing God for who he is. I miss grasping the unthinkable. I miss hearing God's voice. God is a simple and yet very complex God. I miss my childlike faith.

Father, restore my childlike faith. Help me to forget the box that I've put you inside, and help me to experience the real You. The God of this city, who desires to seek and save the lost. The good God who has plans for my life. The God who moves me, the God of love.