So- God continues to amaze me. He destroys me, then restores me, fills my cup and equips me with a song of praise (Psalm 40:3) and turns me around and sends me out to venture in a broken world. Now, able to relate to broken people, I am equipped with a new theme song and a banner for war that DECLARES hope and that God is a god of Restoration. With my life as a PRIME example, I can so much more relate to a broken world but oh- I have a story. I have a song. And it declares the love, kindness, goodness, and faithfulness of God. If I were a light to the world, but I did not understand the brokeness of the world, how is that ever useful? But not only are nonbelievers shown a life lived victoriously with God, but the church is also once more reminded of the beauty of grace. God took me in my brokeness, in my disaster and He used it for the advancing of His kingdom. For GOOD. And by used it, I mean He consumed it into something that is now beautiful. He used every single drop of it. Completely. And He used it all to the full. What is this GRACE that wants to make beauty of my mess? That God would meet me so much more than halfway. That He would meet me on the disaster sight where my destruction lies. That he would help me pick up the pieces one by one and put them back together again. THAT is grace. I am utter dust. That God would be forever faithful to me. Continually. Time and time again, EVEN when Im hardly faithful back. The very hairs on my head are NUMBERED! God is madly in love with every way that he created me (And he thinks I'm a catch, alright!) And I am NEVER ONCE defined by my weaknesses, my shortcomings, or my failures. Wow, what?! THAT, my friends, is grace. Praise the Lord. I am SO undeserving of this great stuff.
Psalm 107 says Let the redeemed of the LORD tell their story! Verse 43 says Let us ponder the loving deeds of the LORD. ...Lets just ponder them!
God breaks me to make me more useful and He makes me more beautiful every time he uses me. By the grace of the Lord I have been made beautiful.
I don't deserve this grace, this Fatherly love! I know your character, God. Therefore I will declare your lovingkindness in the present and claim your faithfulness in the future. I KNOW who my God is and therefore I know he has GOOD THINGS in store for me.
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So I don't even know what to think or how to wrap my brain around this. I am just yet...dust. The dust of this earth. Which is a BEAUTIFUL planet, bu it isn't even big enough to be considered dust in this universe. God, how can you live in everything so BIG and in everything so SMALL at the same time? This is absurd. I am one in 7 billion people on this planet, yet I am fearfully and wonderfully made in your image. You care about me SO intimately, so personally. You came to the earth-to be dust-to die a painful death, for DUST. To be our savior. You turned your ear to s... WHAT? And now I'm just sitting here watching you in the lightning. So big, so small. So loving, so involved. SOOO personal.
Psalm 33:15
He fashions their hearts individually,
He considers all of their works
(He intimately involves himself in all their works)
Who is this God? Who puts his Spirit in ME, dust. And who cares about me SO intimately...I can't wrap my mind around this love. He's so in love with who I am. He made my personality so specifically. Lightning is so amazing.
Oh, the power of the Lord.
"You dance over me, while I am unaware...
You sing all around, And I never hear the sound.
Lord, I'm amazed by You
Lord, I'm amazed by You
Lord, I'm amazed by You...
How You love me."
Learning
I'm learning so much in these seasons of my life. I sincerely hate it.
Jeremiah 29:11
Whatevers in front of me, help me to sing Hallelujah.
Jeremiah 29:11
Whatevers in front of me, help me to sing Hallelujah.
You're all I want
God has a way of redeeming us. Healing us. And when that moment comes where we think we'll shrink back, or like we'll be given a blow to the face, we are shocked that we don't even feel a budge. But maybe we'll feel it after...like when you go running into something you knew you shouldn't have ran to and then you have to deal with your consequences since you were dumb enough to wound yourself so terribly. Nope. Oh the depths of healing. Today was a great day. Had some AWESOME worship, and heard an amazing sermon on grace. The things I needed. Saw God turn and twist and completely awaken hearts. The power of God. and had a conclusive, informative, awesome conversation about everything important.
They played this at one of the two churches I went to this morning. I loved it. You should read it aloud for dramatic effect. With authority.
"I'm a part of the fellowship of the unashamed. The die has been cast. I have stepped over the line. The decision has been made. I'm a disciple of His and I won't look back, let up, slow down, back away, or be still.
My past is redeemed. My present makes sense. My future is secure. I'm done and finished with low living, sight walking, small planning, smooth knees, colorless dreams, tamed visions, mundane talking, cheap living, and dwarfed goals.
I no longer need preeminence, prosperity, position, promotions, plaudits, or popularity. I don't have to be right, or first, or tops, or recognized, or praised, or rewarded. I live by faith, lean on His presence, walk by patience, lift by prayer, and labor by Holy Spirit power.
My face is set. My gait is fast. My goal is heaven. My road may be narrow, my way rough, my companions few, but my guide is reliable and my mission is clear.
I will not be bought, compromised, detoured, lured away, turned back, deluded or delayed. I will not flinch in the face of sacrifice or hesitate in the presence of the adversary. I will not negotiate at the table of the enemy, ponder at the pool of popularity, or meander in the maze of mediocrity.
I won’t give up, shut up, let up, until I have stayed up, stored up, prayed up, paid up, preached up for the cause of Christ. I am a disciple of Jesus. I must go ’til He comes, give ’til I drop, preach ’til all know, and work ’til He stops me. And when He comes for His own, He will have NO PROBLEM recognizing me- my banner of identification with Jesus will be clear!”
Amen
Jesus answered, "It is written: 'Man does not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.'" -Matthew 4:4
We live by faith, not by sight. 2 Corinthians 5:7
Through everything: highs and lows, moutaintops and valleys, heartaches, betrayal, pain, grief, love, darkness, light, in the shadow of death, in the victorious morning riding on the wings of the dawn, or waiting in the noonday sun... We live and walk by EVERY word that comes out of the mouth of God. Every word written in the Scriptures. Every promise that we have and hold onto in Christ. God has spoken. Lets hold onto his word with faith and trust. Its our sword. Its our bread. Intimacy with God is our healing. Know it.
They played this at one of the two churches I went to this morning. I loved it. You should read it aloud for dramatic effect. With authority.
"I'm a part of the fellowship of the unashamed. The die has been cast. I have stepped over the line. The decision has been made. I'm a disciple of His and I won't look back, let up, slow down, back away, or be still.
My past is redeemed. My present makes sense. My future is secure. I'm done and finished with low living, sight walking, small planning, smooth knees, colorless dreams, tamed visions, mundane talking, cheap living, and dwarfed goals.
I no longer need preeminence, prosperity, position, promotions, plaudits, or popularity. I don't have to be right, or first, or tops, or recognized, or praised, or rewarded. I live by faith, lean on His presence, walk by patience, lift by prayer, and labor by Holy Spirit power.
My face is set. My gait is fast. My goal is heaven. My road may be narrow, my way rough, my companions few, but my guide is reliable and my mission is clear.
I will not be bought, compromised, detoured, lured away, turned back, deluded or delayed. I will not flinch in the face of sacrifice or hesitate in the presence of the adversary. I will not negotiate at the table of the enemy, ponder at the pool of popularity, or meander in the maze of mediocrity.
I won’t give up, shut up, let up, until I have stayed up, stored up, prayed up, paid up, preached up for the cause of Christ. I am a disciple of Jesus. I must go ’til He comes, give ’til I drop, preach ’til all know, and work ’til He stops me. And when He comes for His own, He will have NO PROBLEM recognizing me- my banner of identification with Jesus will be clear!”
Amen
Jesus answered, "It is written: 'Man does not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.'" -Matthew 4:4
We live by faith, not by sight. 2 Corinthians 5:7
Through everything: highs and lows, moutaintops and valleys, heartaches, betrayal, pain, grief, love, darkness, light, in the shadow of death, in the victorious morning riding on the wings of the dawn, or waiting in the noonday sun... We live and walk by EVERY word that comes out of the mouth of God. Every word written in the Scriptures. Every promise that we have and hold onto in Christ. God has spoken. Lets hold onto his word with faith and trust. Its our sword. Its our bread. Intimacy with God is our healing. Know it.
Hope
Everybody is the same. Whether they're fat or skinny. Whether they're rich or poor. Whether they've slept with 50 people or they haven't even dated one. Whether they know how to cook, sew, fish, or cut hair. Or whether they have NO creativity-- or haven't been taught to exercise it into something useful...something productive. Sure. Our life experiences shape us. Its beyond our control. Experiences teach us who to trust, who to spend our time with, how to act around people, and they may even "tell" us who we are. Or they try to. And many times we believe it. But we are all feeling the same feelings. We fear the same things. We all have similar insecurities, and we're all climbing mountains and falling into the darkest and deepest valleys. I just wish our valleys were connected. Then maybe WE could be connected. But we're all in isolated valleys, in some way or another. Sometimes we are just emerging from them so we're going uphill and we're happy. Sometimes we're still falling. And sometimes we're at the pit, where everything is the darkest, hoping that someday SOON the sun will emerge from the clouds and give light to all things hidden in darkness. The cuts and wounds that just need oxygen in order to heal again. Will we ever be WHOLE again? We wonder.
It is then that we remember Job. Who found HOPE when there was none. Who stated in Job 13:15, "Though He slay me, yet will I trust Him." I don't understand how one trusts another when they've destroyed them. But God is different. God is not human. God does not do things for no reason. God does not confuse what is right with selfish human desires. But who knows the mind of the LORD? His ways are higher than our ways. His thoughts are higher than our thoughts. (Isaiah 55:9) God can't NOT be faithful. Can we have complete hope, faith, and trust in something completely unseen when not a single thing in this world will reassure us? Is it even possible to love God without even a little reassurance from this world that God is FOR us and not against us? People are just people. But God is just God. If the Bible is true, this God is longing for us. He's metaphorically AND literally dying to be closer to us. Should we let Him in? Why should we? Is it risky? Is it a big commitment? Because He's threatening our eternity? He wants to offer us grace. What even IS grace? If the Bible is true, this God is a GOOD god. He's FOR us. He wants the best for us in ALL things. And he's absolutely and completely defensive over us and our hearts. We WIN with him on our side! (Romans 8) But this world... this world is NOT for us. In fact, the ruler of this world wants only to steal from us, kill, and destroy us. Its a bummer we have to constantly live in a place where a lion is always prowling around, just WAITING to destroy us (1 Peter 5:8). But God is a god of HOPE. Maybe we DO need him around. I mean, can we really go on without hope anyway?
"Hope is strength to walk along,
And music to my song,
I'll be redeemed." -Alli Rogers "Hope"
It is then that we remember Job. Who found HOPE when there was none. Who stated in Job 13:15, "Though He slay me, yet will I trust Him." I don't understand how one trusts another when they've destroyed them. But God is different. God is not human. God does not do things for no reason. God does not confuse what is right with selfish human desires. But who knows the mind of the LORD? His ways are higher than our ways. His thoughts are higher than our thoughts. (Isaiah 55:9) God can't NOT be faithful. Can we have complete hope, faith, and trust in something completely unseen when not a single thing in this world will reassure us? Is it even possible to love God without even a little reassurance from this world that God is FOR us and not against us? People are just people. But God is just God. If the Bible is true, this God is longing for us. He's metaphorically AND literally dying to be closer to us. Should we let Him in? Why should we? Is it risky? Is it a big commitment? Because He's threatening our eternity? He wants to offer us grace. What even IS grace? If the Bible is true, this God is a GOOD god. He's FOR us. He wants the best for us in ALL things. And he's absolutely and completely defensive over us and our hearts. We WIN with him on our side! (Romans 8) But this world... this world is NOT for us. In fact, the ruler of this world wants only to steal from us, kill, and destroy us. Its a bummer we have to constantly live in a place where a lion is always prowling around, just WAITING to destroy us (1 Peter 5:8). But God is a god of HOPE. Maybe we DO need him around. I mean, can we really go on without hope anyway?
"Hope is strength to walk along,
And music to my song,
I'll be redeemed." -Alli Rogers "Hope"
The Future
I visited a sweet church today. The pastor emphasized that we always want our church to be about winning people to Christ. I love that reminder. Its so easy to get caught up in the things that matter, but not as much as our missional mindset. Jesus loves lost people. 100% of the time.
I'm hoping that I get a job this week. My weeks are always so empty. It is so nice at times because I have so much time to just hang out with friends and catch up with old ones. I need to be making money though.
I think working with kids is what I need to do with my future. Or, at least working with people. I love talking to little kids about Jesus. I like hearing their thoughts about how church is boring and hearing a 5 year old say "We get to eat Jesus when we're in second grade!" so excitedly.
The future is such a mystery. And by future, I'm talking the next six months. I always have second thoughts about everything. I'm just trying to keep my eyes and ears open to God and where He's guiding me. I know hes guiding me somewhere. All of this little stuff where I feel like I'm spinning in circles isn't for nothing. He's knitting something awesome together, I just know it. But I'm not worried. I know that God has something planned for me. and I know that He knows best.
Jesus, help me to be faithful to you.
I'm excited for Thursday. My mother and I start our bible study. I'm excited for July. I'm excited to go to Morning Star and worship Jesus with inner city kids. It will be awesome.
I like blogging. It makes me feel like that girl from Julie and Julia that blogs about her cooking for however long. It makes me feel like I'm in that movie! :) And it is a GOOD movie! And it makes me feel like I have hobbies. But I don't know that blogging is considered a "hobby". Ha, going to Hillsboro for college last fall really showed me my lack of hobbies. I learned to knit while I was there. I dont wear scarves often though (thats the only thing I can make so far haha). Maybe next year I'll get another hobby. Something useful. I'm going to be a hobby person! You just wait and see.
I'm hoping that I get a job this week. My weeks are always so empty. It is so nice at times because I have so much time to just hang out with friends and catch up with old ones. I need to be making money though.
I think working with kids is what I need to do with my future. Or, at least working with people. I love talking to little kids about Jesus. I like hearing their thoughts about how church is boring and hearing a 5 year old say "We get to eat Jesus when we're in second grade!" so excitedly.
The future is such a mystery. And by future, I'm talking the next six months. I always have second thoughts about everything. I'm just trying to keep my eyes and ears open to God and where He's guiding me. I know hes guiding me somewhere. All of this little stuff where I feel like I'm spinning in circles isn't for nothing. He's knitting something awesome together, I just know it. But I'm not worried. I know that God has something planned for me. and I know that He knows best.
Jesus, help me to be faithful to you.
I'm excited for Thursday. My mother and I start our bible study. I'm excited for July. I'm excited to go to Morning Star and worship Jesus with inner city kids. It will be awesome.
I like blogging. It makes me feel like that girl from Julie and Julia that blogs about her cooking for however long. It makes me feel like I'm in that movie! :) And it is a GOOD movie! And it makes me feel like I have hobbies. But I don't know that blogging is considered a "hobby". Ha, going to Hillsboro for college last fall really showed me my lack of hobbies. I learned to knit while I was there. I dont wear scarves often though (thats the only thing I can make so far haha). Maybe next year I'll get another hobby. Something useful. I'm going to be a hobby person! You just wait and see.
Remembering that Jesus is Life
Trade these ashes in for beauty,
And wear forgiveness like a crown
Forgive, and forgive again. Its the only way to maintain relationships. Because people let us down. They betray us, they stab us, they hurt us. Its life, but God will never let us down. How do we respond? Horizontal worship. We love Jesus, by forgiving others just as he forgave us. You can't truly love somebody until you bridge the gaps of separation. With forgiveness.
I love catching up with old friends. Especially when its just as it was before. Its so refreshing.
Nothing is accidental or incidental. Just as in the days of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob to the day that Israel was rescued out of Egypt and eventually brought into their promised land. God is so sovereign. His foreknowledge is complete. Our lives are on this clock of sovereignty. We rest assured in Romans 8:28. God works all things for our good, for his people. God has so many wonderful things in store for the body of Christ. If we'll trust him and move with him. Lets act out in faith. Lets speak with faith. Lets move with the heart of God inside of us.
And wear forgiveness like a crown
Forgive, and forgive again. Its the only way to maintain relationships. Because people let us down. They betray us, they stab us, they hurt us. Its life, but God will never let us down. How do we respond? Horizontal worship. We love Jesus, by forgiving others just as he forgave us. You can't truly love somebody until you bridge the gaps of separation. With forgiveness.
I love catching up with old friends. Especially when its just as it was before. Its so refreshing.
Nothing is accidental or incidental. Just as in the days of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob to the day that Israel was rescued out of Egypt and eventually brought into their promised land. God is so sovereign. His foreknowledge is complete. Our lives are on this clock of sovereignty. We rest assured in Romans 8:28. God works all things for our good, for his people. God has so many wonderful things in store for the body of Christ. If we'll trust him and move with him. Lets act out in faith. Lets speak with faith. Lets move with the heart of God inside of us.
So sink or swim-- I'm diving in
Ohhh how I wish life were a little more exciting sometimes. I wish something awesome would happen. Something unexpected. Or more like something that will trigger MANY awesome things. I want to have fun. I want to be creative. I want to run. I want to drive. This is why I need a job. Here is a brief list of some things I'd like to do this summer: Go on a picnic, Go to the lake, Go drive until I can't anymore, Ride horses in the sunset, meet some new and awesome people... Father, will You at least bring a little excitement into my life?
I am learning to trust God. Yes, I know...I've been through this so many times before. Is it the cycle of faith? Do we HAVE to relearn lessons like this all the time? I think we need to relearn them to grasp how trustworthy and huge our God really is. We tend to forget these things over time...
Romans 11:33-36 says:
"Oh, the depth of the riches of the wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable his judgments, and his paths beyond tracing out! "Who has known the mind of the Lord? Or who has been his counselor?" "Who has ever given to God, that God should repay him?" For from him and through him and to him are all things. To him be the glory forever! Amen."
Oh the riches of the wisdom and knowledge of God. Doesn't that just make you feel so...good? That God is wise, and all-knowing? His judgments are unsearchable. Who can tell God what to do? God is restoring all things back to himself. He is making all things whole again. The path may be bumpy, but we can rest assured that our God is wise and all-knowing. Also... Romans 8 pretty much states who we are in Christ. We are conquerors. no...it says we are MORE than conquerors (verse 37) because Christ loved us. Also, we did not receieve a spirit that makes us a slave again to fear. No, instead we received the Spirit that makes us the very sons of God! Because we are sons of God, we are also co-heirs with Christ. This means we share in his sufferings, but we also share in his glory (verses 15-17). Romans 8:28 is what we hold on to. In all things, God works for our good. God is for us! God loves us, God cares about us. The small things. The details. God is a details kind of God. He's so personal. So... (verse 31) if God is for us...who could ever be against us? Verse 32 says that God spared his only Son for us. It also says that if we are of that worth to God, will he not also give us all things? God is for our good. God is FOR us!
Father, help me to build others up with encouragement and love instead of tearing them down out of my insecurities. You're trustworthy, but trusting You still takes faith. Sink or swim, I'm diving in. I trust that you have this all figured out already. You're just walking alongside me until these things are revealed to me, but you have complete foreknowledge. I trust your eyes. And your hands- You're preparing the way for me.
I am learning to trust God. Yes, I know...I've been through this so many times before. Is it the cycle of faith? Do we HAVE to relearn lessons like this all the time? I think we need to relearn them to grasp how trustworthy and huge our God really is. We tend to forget these things over time...
Romans 11:33-36 says:
"Oh, the depth of the riches of the wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable his judgments, and his paths beyond tracing out! "Who has known the mind of the Lord? Or who has been his counselor?" "Who has ever given to God, that God should repay him?" For from him and through him and to him are all things. To him be the glory forever! Amen."
Oh the riches of the wisdom and knowledge of God. Doesn't that just make you feel so...good? That God is wise, and all-knowing? His judgments are unsearchable. Who can tell God what to do? God is restoring all things back to himself. He is making all things whole again. The path may be bumpy, but we can rest assured that our God is wise and all-knowing. Also... Romans 8 pretty much states who we are in Christ. We are conquerors. no...it says we are MORE than conquerors (verse 37) because Christ loved us. Also, we did not receieve a spirit that makes us a slave again to fear. No, instead we received the Spirit that makes us the very sons of God! Because we are sons of God, we are also co-heirs with Christ. This means we share in his sufferings, but we also share in his glory (verses 15-17). Romans 8:28 is what we hold on to. In all things, God works for our good. God is for us! God loves us, God cares about us. The small things. The details. God is a details kind of God. He's so personal. So... (verse 31) if God is for us...who could ever be against us? Verse 32 says that God spared his only Son for us. It also says that if we are of that worth to God, will he not also give us all things? God is for our good. God is FOR us!
Father, help me to build others up with encouragement and love instead of tearing them down out of my insecurities. You're trustworthy, but trusting You still takes faith. Sink or swim, I'm diving in. I trust that you have this all figured out already. You're just walking alongside me until these things are revealed to me, but you have complete foreknowledge. I trust your eyes. And your hands- You're preparing the way for me.
